Going Out - Attempt 2

Well after my fail attempt at going out and pretending to be social last weekend, I have decided to make another attempt this Friday night.

When I was going through my millions (number may have been exaggerated) of comments on various post displaying how and why I fail at life, I decided I will pander to your requests/comments. One in particular is this one from Randomly Reticulated: 'Damn no girl in 5 years? Holy shit dude. Goto a bar or something, fuck.' (I particularly like the extra 'fuck' added at the end)

But this tip brings with it some problems, one in particular mentioned by JP: 'a tip, don’t go to a club alone, that will just make you look awkward to other people! try meeting people that go out and then go out with them! the bigger the group the better! (like 5-8)' To which I replied in the comments: How do you meet people for going out without going out to meet people?
Seriously, I have no one to go out with in the first place. :(
(Take note of the sad face at the end there, I'm so sad... in the pants)

So now I turn to you, my millions of dedicated fanatical followers, what should I do this Friday night? Should I go out to a club? The problem there is that I have real problems communicating with people at clubs because I can never understand a word they are saying because the music is so loud. I have noticed other people somehow have developed some kind of supernatural way off reading other peoples body language to determine if they are interested or not when at clubs... unfortunately I never quite learned that.

I could go to a bar, but I'm not sure if you have ever been to a bar by yourself... it is fucking awkward. Whenever you go to a bar by yourself, it is very clear that you are the ONLY person there that is by themselves. Everyone is there in groups, somehow you have to approach a group to socialise.
There are groups of guys, who when you approach leaves you with a 80% chance of them staring at you like an idiot and then telling you to fuck off, and a 19% chance of getting punched in the face, and 1% chance of someone actually including you in some form of conversation.
There are groups of mixed guys and girls, which leaves you with a 50% change of face punching because one of the guys thinks you are hitting on their girlfriend, 49% chance of the girls laughing at your face because you look like a try hard desperate loner, and 1% chance of someone taking pity on you and including you in a conversation.
And lastly there are groups of girls which (if you are male, and alone) gives you a 50% chance of 'not interested' and 50% chance of 'fuck off' (unless you go straight for the fattest, most ugly girl there... and even then, the chances are one of her drunk friends will 'cock block' you)

The environment I have found I have performed best with being able to semi fit-in and pretend to be social is at parties. But the problem there is... I have no friends. I can't get invited to a party if there is no one to invite me. The last time I went to a party it was years ago with people I met on the internet.

So I ask you... what should I do Friday night? Whatever happens I will post the results which will either be me saying how I succeeded at being social, or most likely me saying how, once again, I fail at life.

TLDR; going out Friday, wut do?

I Fail at Woman

So today I was once again reminded how forgettable I am and how much I fail at life. And once again it is to do with a girl... or lack of girl.

(I even gave her one of these premium mice)

I got a call from one of the employees saying that their mouse had gone faulty and they needed a replacement. She sounded familiar so I looked her up and saw that she was actually a girl I knew. She was actually the last girl I almost dated. I knew her sister and she introduced us and we hung out a couple of times and kind of hit it off but it never went any further than that.

That was something like 5 years ago and I have not had a girlfriend between then and now.

Anyway I remembered her and for some reason was sure she would remember me if she saw me, so I told her to drop by my desk with the faulty mouse and I will give her a new one (I even gave her one of the premium mice... it has more buttons and everything!).

So she comes past and I can immediately tell she has no idea who I am. So, being the idiot I am, I start with the "Hey, you look familiar" crap... she does not buy it and I can tell she is thinking I'm some douche trying to hit on her. She gives me the "Oh, you've probably just seen me around before or something" and tries to escape, but no! I can not let her get away now... not until she remembers me. Now I am determined to get her to remember me.
As she turns to run away from me I say "Hey wait a sec... what's your surname?" I immediately think 'why the fuck would she give me her surname, now she thinks I want to e-stalk her or something.' But by now she is a deer in the headlights and does not know what to do, so she tells me her surname and I say "Isn't your sister (insert sisters name here)?"
"... Um... Yes..."
"Oh yeah... I used to hang out with her... back in the day..."
"......"
"......"
>.>
<.<
And after a shitload of awkward silence and looking around at nothing she turns around and walks away, and I am left standing there, once again thinking about how much I fail at women.

Oh, and she clearly did not remember me after all that.

Going out?

Last night I worked up some motivation and I decided that I was going to go out to a club and pretend to be a social guy.

Well that was the plan anyway. What actually happened was a little less exciting. I had a shower and a shave, made myself look decent, looked at myself in the mirror and said "damn boy you lookin` fiiine" (note: may not have actually been looking fine)

I was feeling pretty tyred, I had actually been feeling sleepy all day, but I was not going to let that stop me. I had a look at the time and it was not even 9pm yet so I thought I would have a lay down a rest a bit before going out so I would not feel so sleepy when I head out at about 10:30pm. So I lay down on my bed and BAM! I wake up and it's 7:30am.

This was going to be the third time I'd gone out for some form of social interaction (not including family birthdays) all year... I guess not.

On a semi related note, one of my little cousins is turning 12 today and is having her birthday at LaserTag (Zone3). I'm 24 and I will be playing LazerTag with a bunch of 12 year olds... and this is the most exiting thing I will have done all year.

CAN'T WAIT!